Larger Penis = Better Sex?

First things first: sexual pleasure is subjective. In the field of sexology, the researchers in that field typically have a degree in psychology, not medicine or physiology. The reason for that is the most research needed in that field is in regard to the psychology of sex, not the physiology of sex. Arousal, pleasure, and orgasm are not so mechanical – especially with women. To rephrase, you can do the same exact thing physically in two different sexual events – the first time might be an amazing sexual experience and the second time it won’t.

Men vs. Women

In the field of sex therapy, much of the treatment into men is in regard to dysfunction. Issues like erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation are common reasons to seek treatment. The treatment for women is typically arousal and sexual satisfaction – and can be much broader topics. With men, the causes are pretty simple. For women, trying to work through the issue can be difficult because female arousal, pleasure, and orgasm is more complex than with men. There aren’t as many discussions with what works for men, compared to what works for women – such as the types of orgasms a woman can have.

Bigger Penis = Bigger Problem

Does penis size, matter? Yes, it does. Most people understand that you can be too small, but not as many know that you can be too big. Dr. Andrew Siegel listed size discrepancy as one of the causes for painful sex:

Size discrepancy with partner – The vagina is an incredibly accommodating organ capable of tremendous stretch and expansion—think vaginal delivery of a 10-lb. baby—so this is relatively rare, but the combo of a woman with petite anatomy coupled with an outsized male can be a formula for pain. A lengthy penis can strike the cervix or vaginal fornix and a penis with formidable girth may prove excessive for a narrow vagina, resulting in “collision dyspareunia.”

Our Greatest Wealth is Health; When Sex Hurts

So a large penis can be an issue for many women. Some men might think being too big is still a badge of honor, but it can also be a reason your spouse seeks sex, elsewhere. Men with larger penises need to make sure that more time is dedicated to arousal, and maybe have some lube on hand. Otherwise, it may not be the good experience you both were hoping for.

Does a Bigger Penis Feel Better?

So, if the penis is not too long or thick, does it feel better? It certainly can be an advantage, but it’s important to note that if a woman has had several male partners, it isn’t always going to be true that the largest man was her favorite in bed. It is true that some women do desire a larger penis, in the sense they do like having what is described a a filled up feeling, but the vast majority of women do enjoy an averaged size penis. It really comes down to friction and pressure. The average or slightly above average penis is plenty to provide adequate stimulation for almost any partner, and as mentioned earlier, sex for most women is not so mechanical. No matter what the penis size, you can be considered a bad sexual partner.

The Bottom Line

Does penis size matter? Yes. Does a larger penis equal better sex? No. In fact the perfect penis chosen by a study asking women is well within the average to slightly above average range.

Casual Sex: Most Women Want It Too?

In our modern culture, it seems progress towards gender equality is being on the right side of history. Well guess what, I agree with them. I think women should be paid as much, and the lines between gender roles has been blurring more and more – as more activities and jobs have become mixed-sex. However, as much as we are blurring the lines in many respects towards gender roles, there still seem to be some differences between men and women.

Fuckboy

Fuckboy is a term you might hear or read a woman use to describe a guy who had sex with her, but doesn’t really want anything more than that. It has a negative connotation – in the sense that the woman is wanting the relationship to progress, but the guy is only interested in fulfilling his own lust. If guys and girls are similar in attitudes toward sex, I am wondering where all the fuckgirls are at. Well, there are none that I know of. Why? Well, that’s because guys have their own negative connotation – high maintenance. eHarmony’s blog describes high maintenance pretty well:

She makes hoop-jumping seem like a normal part of dating, is constantly making their partners prove their worthiness either through displays of affection, commitment or status – which she may or may not reciprocate.

eHarmony Blog; Do High Maintenance Women Snag Better Mates?

That blog article may make it seem it’s a good thing, but to many men, it isn’t. You might be thinking a high maintenance woman is a woman who has expensive tastes or demands a lot of attention. But in some references by men, it means a woman who is difficult to get into bed. In the hunt for sex, it is a women who is putting up obstacles. Why would a woman want to be high maintenance? Well, this article sells being high maintenance pretty well:

Now, say you’re the girl who doesn’t need anything (or at least doesn’t act like you do). Mr. Good Man will not pick you as a partner. He may sleep with you, but he won’t date you or marry you.

Your Tango; Why High Maintenance Women Will ALWAYS Get The Best Guys

If generally women were just as interested in casual sex as much as men, wouldn’t all the sex you’re having be enough? It is for most men. There is a saying that I think is overly simplistic, but has some truth to it: Men use love to get sex, and women use sex to get love.

No Hook-ups

If you browsed online dating, you’ll see some themes. The most common theme on male profiles is no drama or not looking for any drama. The most common theme on female profiles is no hook-ups or if you are looking for a hook-up, swipe left. The question I have is why are so many women denying a hook-up? Isn’t that what casual sex is? I would think it would be apparent that if both sexes want the same thing, we should have matching profiles. It is because both sexes don’t want the same thing – or to be precise, the context of sex is different. That is not stating a woman does not want sex or will not have sex on a first date, but there still is a psychological difference – that becomes even more apparent after.

Context is Everything

The most common argument to what I have written is that women are slut-shamed for being promiscuous. If we got rid of all the social stigma related to labeling women sluts or whores, they would be engaging in casual sex without any apprehension. That is mostly false. Women are generally not like men. They are not watching the same type of pornography men are. They are not google searching for big dicks as nearly as much as men are. They do not get aroused as quick as men or in the same way. Typically, men are not describing casual sex as empty and meaningless. That is because women do not view sex in the same way men do. Do they want sex? Of course! The difference is they typically want it to be with the right guy, not just any guy. That doesn’t seem so casual to me. . . Now men on the other hand . . .

Erectile Dysfunction: An Older Man Problem?

In common American culture, erectile Dysfunction (or ED) is thought of as only plaguing older men. It is more common in older men than younger, but in older men, the problem is usually related to physical causes. What about the percentage that affects younger men? Why would a seemingly young vigorous man have issues getting “hard” when it’s time to do the deed?

Psychological Warfare

As I am writing this, we are in pandemic – especially where I am at. With this pandemic not only comes illness related to symptoms of catching COVID-19, but also a population increase in anxiety. The anxiety caused by the pandemic can be from fear of contracting the illness, loss of a job, finances, not being able to see friends and family, and more. With the anxiety can also come an inability to perform sexually. Sexual arousal is usually associated with excitement, but your mind and body actually have to do the opposite – relax. It is when you are calm and nothing else is grabbing your attention that you can become erect. Your primary focus is engaging in your desire to have sex with someone. Your body can then react, without any apprehension, to the sensual touching, audio, and visual stimuli of sexual activities.

Causes of Sexual Anxiety
  • Worried about pleasing your partner: This is the most common reason for erectile dysfunction in younger men. This may not just be related to sexually pleasing your partner, but also if they are attracted to you – and you’re worried that you may ruin it.
  • You have had erectile dysfunction before: It’s a very common thought to think that if it happened once, it can happen again. Anxiety that goes unchecked will surely bring that thought to mind. This can keep the anxiety alive and the issue in your life.
  • Stress of everyday life: You might have a lot going on in your life. School, job, family; all can be sources of stress, and stress can lead to anxiety. This can certainly affect your ability to perform sexually.
How to Treat It

There are several ways to treat it. It’s important that you realize that there is treatment – no matter how severe. I would recommenced discussing the issue with someone – preferably an expert in sexual dysfunction. They can discuss the best options based on your situation and severity of symptoms. The issue is usually deeper than just worrying about the specific sexual act, but caused by an underlying anxiety disorder.

The Aftermath

There is the shame and embarrassment of not being able to perform sexually, but there can also be the worry and and doubt your partner feels. They may be thinking that they cannot sexually arouse you or that you do not find them attractive. It is important that you discuss this with them, and let them know that it is not related to them, but instead a “you” problem. What is equally important is that you understand that there is a chance they may not want to continue seeing you. But do not fret if that happens. There are plenty of people out there and you have plenty of time to work on whatever issue you have.

The most important thing is to seek treatment, if needed.